"A TV movie is being made about the girl who had the starring role in the Broadway show 'Annie' but ended up getting fired. She was going to play herself in the movie, but then she got fired again."

"Yesterday, a New York high school student won 40,000 dollars in a national science competition. Apparently, he invented a subway car that runs on urine."
 
"Yesterday, Janet Jackson went to court to get a restraining order against a man claiming to be her husband. She said, 'One pretend marriage is enough for the Jackson family.'"
 
"Ted Kennedy's nephew Michael allegedly had a five-year affair with a teenage babysitter. When asked about it Michael Kennedy said, 'I didn't want to be involved in the sex scandal, but it was my turn.'"

"Macaulay Culkin said he's not going to be in any more movies unless his father stops trying to manage his acting career. As a result, people are now asking Macaulay's dad to manage Steven Segal."

"A new study shows that children raised by lesbian parents are just as well-adjusted as those raised by traditional parents. However, they never seem to have batteries for their toys."

"Scientists announced yesterday that life actually originated on the ocean floor. And the Mafia announced that's also where life ends."

"yesterday, a liberal group, fed up with the sex scandal, started airing a tv ad which shows a picture of Kenneth Starr and it says 'Let's move on.' This of course is not to be confused with a new white house commercial, which shows a picture of president Clinton and says 'Let's get it on.'"
 
"The publisher of  Hustler magazine is offering to pay one million dollars to anyone who can prove that they had sex with a member of congress. And since the announcement, president Clinton has collected eight million dollars."
 
"Did you hear about this yesterday's congress return from their two week spring break? Did you know that? It was obvious that Ted Kennedy bragged all day about winning the wet T-shirt contest. 'I've got the biggest man boobies here!'"

"The White House says that the president's scandal will not affect the quality of applicants for the White House internships. A spokesman for the intern program said 'we are still able to find plenty of bright motivated young people who wear thong underwear.'"

"It has been reported that MIchael Jackson is interested in doing duet with the artist formerly known as Prince. In response, the artist said 'he is talking about singing, right?'"

"Monica Lewinsky once told Linda Tripp that the whole situation between her and president Clinton 'is too much for one person to deal with' that's what she said, which is why president Clinton encouraged her to bring her friends along."

"Earlier today Hirary Clinton spoke to a group of one thousand women and said that now is the time for women to make gain in their economic status. Hirary said that the easiest way for them to do that is to settle out of court with her husband."
 
"This year for the fifth time in a row Bill Gates tops Forbs magazine's list of the richest people in America. To give you an idea of how rich he is, the second guy in the list was the guy who cleans Gate's pool."