TUE
Every one is still talking about new Star Wars. I think they made a hundred million dollars over the weekend.
They are already talking about making the next one. They were saying in the paper today that the next Star
Wars movie, and in it, Darth Vader might be played by Leonard Decaprio. Apparently, if that happens, they are
going to make a few changes--now in addition to Darth Vader becoming Luke Skywalker's father, he also knocks
up several super models--using the force. Yoda is there watching.

Yesterday, after serving three and a half month in jail for assaulting two men during a traffic argument, Mike
Tyson was released from prison. It's interesting; Tyson didn't say who is going to fight next but experts say it'll
either be Evander Holyfield or some guy who cuts him off in traffic.

Newly released document from tobacco industry show that a few years ago the tobacco industry considered
developing a tobacco-based lollipop. If that weren't bad enough, when you bite through the lollipop, there's a
chewy heroin center.

Barry Manilow is in the news. Barry Manilow is recovering from infection after dental surgery. When asked about
it, Manilow said "The worst part was sitting in the dentist chair and having to listen to my crappy music.

WED
Yesterday was mayor Giuliani's birthday and he had a big birthday party. At the party, this sounds fun, he had a
top-less woman jumped out of cake and then he had her arrested.

Victoria's Secret is introducing a new adjustable bra that allows women to decide how much cleavage they want
to show. Apparently, the bra has three cleavage settings: small, medium, and I-really-really-wanna-get-this-job.

THU
The Mayor of Hemosa Beach, California is proposing a new law that would make it legal for women in that town to
walk around topless. In a related story, president Clinton's plan to move to New York is on hold.

This week, Bill Gates and his wife had their second child. Isn't that nice? Actually, Gates confessed it's still
their first child; they just had it upgraded.

Once again, Jerry Springer has vowed to air responsible show without violence and profanity. Springer said the
last time we did this no one watched but this time we are gonna have a lot more lesbians.

FRI
This week in Italy, Leonardo da Vinci's 500 year-old painting, The Last Supper--one of the most famous
paintings of all time--was put back on display after a long restoration process. They cleaned the whole thing up
and everyone is talking about it. I got to look at it. Apparently, the background is much clear now and it turns
out that the supper took place at the Jerusalem Planet Hollywood.

Susanne Vega met with lawmakers yesterday in an effort to get anti-stalking law passed. Apparently, the things
have gotten so bad, people are even stalking Susanne Vega.

The inventor of bubble gum has passed away this week. In keeping with his last wishes, he's being rolled into a
ball and stuck under a desk.

In a brand-new interview, actress Shannen Doherty said that if she had real-life magic powers, the first thing she
would do is make her breasts smaller. In other words, she would use her magic powers for evil.