TUE
Did you watch the Oscars pretty much? One billion people watched that show! According to the New York Post, this is a little behind-the-scene-story, people sitting near Whitney Houston at the Oscars became really annoyed because throughout the show she kept yelling "amen!" It must have gotten pretty bad because at one point god yelled "shut up!"

Doctor Kevorkian's trial started today and he is acting as his own lawyer. Apparently there was one awkward moment this morning when Kevorkian was asked to approach the bench the judge said "no, really, I am fine.."

The Pope announced that he is going to do mass in Israel next year. When asked why the Pope said "I want to perform for a crowd that hasn't heard any of my material before."

In an recent interview Bob Dole says that his TV commercials for Viagra won't hurt his wife's campaign for president. He also says the Viagra commercials won't hurt his campaign to nail Heather Locklear.

WED
Jesse Jackson told reporters, I think it was yesterday, he got a bunch of reporters together and told them that he is not planning on running for president next year. He said that job has changed a lot and he doesn't think he can handle the pressures of dating.

This week a supermodel, not a model, Kate Moss appears nude in the British version of Vogue magazine. It's totally new. Unfortunately, you can't see much of her because she is covered by the magazine's staple.

A mother in Florida is in trouble for taking her two year old with her while she was breaking into homes. When asked why she did it, she said "I'm sorry but I thought it was bring-your-daughter-to-work day. "

Yesterday, Nelson Mandela met several hours with a pop star, Michael Jackson. They had a big meeting. The meeting was arranged to show that blacks and whites can get along.

THU
Mike Tyson's sister gave an interview and she says that Mike Tyson is training in prison so he can get back in the ring the second that he has released. In related story, Don King already declared Tyson is the winner of that fight.

It is reported today that Calista Flockhart and Ben Stiller are dating. When asked about it Stiller said "it's no big deal she just had me over a couple of times for coffee and a raisin.

A little happy anniversary to talk about, maybe some of you, not me. Today is the one year anniversary of the Food and Drug administration's approval of Viagra. It's also the one year anniversary of Elizabeth Dole not getting any sleep.

Doctor Kevorkian rested his defense without the help of witnesses because the judge wouldn't allow Kevorkian to call witnesses that he wanted. That's right. Yeah, mainly because Kevorkian wanted witnesses to put one hand on the bible and other hand in the toaster.

FRI
I got actually some interesting news about spring break I want to start up the show with that I read in the paper today. This week a group of collage student from mid west decided to spend their spring break in Washington helping the homeless. Isn't that nice? Actually they weren't that effective because all they did was help the homeless organize a wet T-shirt con‚”e‚“t.

Producers of the Oscar winning movie 'Life Is Beautiful' announced they are going to redub the Italian film into English. Not only that the producers of the Oscars said that they are going to redub Roberto Benigni's English into English.

Today the Russian parliament announced that they are considering impeaching Boris Yeltsin. Apparently if the impeachment goes through they are gonna have a bouncer throwing him out of the Kremlin.

In Florida officials at a local high school have decided to allow a teenage boy to attend his senior prom in drag. Not only that but he and the date have a good chance of being chosen queen and queen of the prom.