TUE
 This was happened over the weekend: in an interview on CNN, president Clinton said that there is no truth to
the rumor that Hirary is going to leave the White House early and move to New York. The president then said
"But hey, I am keeping my fingers crossed."

According to a new study, breast implants are not as dangerous as once thought but they are responsible for
many women suffering from infection. They are also responsible for Melrose Place lasting 8 seasons.

A woman in California is trying to get a referendum on the ballot that would make infidelity a crime. So far, she's
gathered 3 signatures.

WED
Loyal family, apparently--they didn't like the way that prince William looked in his uncle's wedding photos so
they had his face digitally replaced with one where he is smiling. The picture looks much better because they
also replaced Queen's face with Ricky Martin's.

Toysarous is in trouble. Toysarous is being criticized for selling children a talking Austin Power's doll that asks
"Do I make you horny?" Toysarous claims the doll only started saying that when they were placed on the shelf
next to the Tarzan doll.

In Belgium, Coca-Cola is recalling thousands of cans of their soft drink because it was making people
light-headed and nauseous. Not taking any chances, they've also recalled Michael Bolton.

Yesterday, the man running Dan Quayle's campaign resigned because he is involved in a love triangle.
Apparently, when Quayle found out about the love triangle, he wanted to know the names of the four other
people involved.
 
THU 
Mayor Giuliani--he's tuned down a new magazine's request to have a party on city own property because the
magazine's first issue is gonna feature Hirary Clinton on the cover. He doesn't like her so he turns them down.
In a related story, this week Giuliani is featured on the cover of Bitter Angry Mayor Magazine.
 

Steven Segal announced that he is coming out with a solo album. When asked about it, Segal said "I wanna show
people that I can do a lot more than just not act."