"Earlier today, president Clinton read Christmas stories to a bunch of kids at the White House. At one point the president asked one boy if he's been good this year and the boy said 'well, put it this way, I didn't purge myself.'"

"Have you heard about this guy Dennis Hastert? Dennis Huster is the republican's next choice for Speaker of the House and apparently he came from a small town in Illinois and was once a high school wrestling coach. And when asked about the comment about this Huster said 'I'll resign!'"

"The producer of the show Friends gave everyone in the cast a hundred thousand dollars for Christmas so they could buy themselves luxury automobiles. And in the same spirit NBC gave Andy and me five roles of quarter for the bus. "

"Last night at the White House, president Clinton read the story of visit from Saint Nick.  And the weird part is in the president version it's a conjugal visit."

"Yesterday, the German government accused the member of the three tenors of tax evasion. Apparently they feel that Luchiano Pavarotti should claim Pizza Hut as his second home."

(Due to the Christmas break the rest of this week's programs were reruns)