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The Third Week of July

TUE
Hirary Clinton is campaigning in New York; she's all over the place--every day you pick up a newspaper there's
picture of her in some different part of New York. Having her picture taken with some lifeguards on a beach
yesterday, Hirary Clinton was quoted as saying "I feel like I'm on Bay Watch." After hearing this, president
Clinton said "Does she have to ruin everything I love?"

Yesterday, before a congressional committee, a spokesperson for the drug foundation argued that marijuana does
not lead to harder drugs. However, the spokesperson admitted that marijuana does lead to Woody Harrelson's
house.

According to a United Nations' report on quality of life, Canada is now a better place to live than United States.
The report said that the deciding factor was not that Canada has less pollution or better health care but the fact
that we have Celine Dion now.

The same plastic surgeon who did Paula Jones' nose job is being sued by a woman who claimed that he pulled out
his penis and demanded oral sex. In response to the law suit, the plastic surgeon said "That wasn't my penis. It
was Paula Jones old nose."

WED
New York is going to spend 200 million dollars to install electric message signs on all the cities' major highways.
Apparently, the signs will tell drivers when to slow down and when to give the finger.

It was reported today that Mick Jagger and his new ex-wife Jerry Hall are on vacation together in France. When
asked about it, Jagger said that next week they are going to have the vacation annulled.

I got a news about Tommy Lee--I call him a rocker Tommy Lee--and Pamela Lee... Earlier today in Los Angels,
rocker Tommy Lee and Pamela Lee went before a judge to have the terms of his probation reduced. Pamela told
the judge "You know, the part about Tommy not crossing the state line is especially difficult when he gets an
erection."


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