WED
"The fan who made almost three million dollars auctioning off Mark Mcgwire's 70th home run ball, says he'll continue working as a genetic scientist. Apparently, he is trying to find the gene that makes someone pay three million dollars for a nine dollar baseball. "

"Elizabeth Dole says she is going to do a lot of "praying" to help figure out whether or not she should run for president. After hearing this, Bob Dole said 'I hope she's planned to a different god the one I told who need a run'"

"Linda Tripp  was named the worst-dressed woman in 1998. Apparently Tripp was singled out because her shoes never match her recording device."

"Opening arguments to the impeach proceedings begins tomorrow and under the rules senators are not allowed to talk. But they all allowed to sit quietly and receive oral sex."

TUE
"Today at the impeachment trial, one of the republican prosecutors said that president Clinton repeatedly put himself above the law. After hearing this president Clinton said 'what can I say, I like being on top.'"

"Scientists have developed a new fo‚’m of Biagra. They developed a new fo‚’m of Biagra that works like a nasal spray. The only problem is finding a woman who is willing have sex with your nose."

"It is reported today in the news paper that Monica Lewinsky has been doing some volunteer work. Apparently, she's been helping the unprivileged achieve orgasm."

FRI
"During yesterday in the impeachment trial, one senator was chewing gum and passing a note to another senator. Reportedly, the note said 'do you think Monica likes me?' "

"The other day, republican congressman Bob Barr, very conservative guy, called Larry Flynt Clinton's buddy. In response president Clinton said he and Mr. Flynt are not that close but Flynt does send the best Christmas card of all his friends. "

"Two web sites are claiming to have unedited versions of the Pamela and Tommy Lee sex tape in which you get to see more of them. Yeah, which is really weird because the only way you could possibly see more of Tommy Lee is if he got an MRI. "