TUE
You all know that Kevorkian was found guilty. Well, earlier today, big story, a Michigan judge finally sentenced
Dr. Kevorkian. Did you know this? Kevorkian has been sentenced and I'm not sure if they made the right
decisions because part of Kevorkian's sentence is 200 hours of community service at a nursing home.

Monica Lewinsky is promoting her book in Europe and next week she's gonna appear on The Today Show. That's
right. It's all part of the nobody-cares-anymore tour.

It's been reported that Boris Yeltsin recently bought a multimillion-dollar mansion in the south of France. True
story, that's the true part. Yeltsin realized he has several million dollars when he got the deposit back on his
empties.

In an interview in next month Esquire magazine, David Duchovny said "People treat celebrities like children".
That was his quote. Duchovny actually had more to say on the subject, but his agent had to take him to go party.

WED
Yesterday, apparently, after playing golf, O.J.Simpson fended off an attack by a man wearing a gun. That's right,
the guy came out with a gun. Afterwards O.J. said "Luckily, I was able to defend myself because I always carry a
murder weapon."

It was reported today that president Clinton gave 100,000 dollars to charity last year. Isn't that nice? He may
get into trouble though because most of it was in tips to waitresses at hooters.

Scientists in Britain say that they've come up with a new birth control pill for men. The only problem is scientists
are worried that if men combined the pill with Viagra, penises will be virtually unstoppable.

Pamela Anderson's spokesperson released a statement confirming that Pamela Anderson recently had her breast
implants removed. The implants will be used provide breasts for two hundred underprivileged actresses.

THU
It was reported that Hirary Clinton is writing a book about how the Clintons entertain at the White House. Not
only that, but the president Clinton said he is writing the chapter entitled "Hot Tubs".

In Pennsylvania, a psychology professor says that he studies the sex lives of students and he found out that
people who have sex frequently are less likely to get the flu. And when asked if his study is accurate, the
professor said "Who cares! It was just an excuse to talk with hot collage girls about sex."

Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breasts implants removed. The
doctor said that Pamela is doing fine and their her old breasts implants are now dating Charie Sheen.

FRI
Viagra, of course, was very successful in the last year. It was reported today that sales of Viagra are down across
the country right now, way down. Did you know that? Pretty amazing. The spokesperson for the drug company
said that sales should be down for about an hour and then go right up again.

A group of scientists in Washington, it was reported today, have discovered the largest bacteria ever identified.
Not surprisingly, it was on the couch of the Oval Office.

Yesterday, an FBI investigation combinated in the arrest of three men who stole vintage baseball cards from
Charlie Sheen. A spokesman for the FBI said "This was a very unusual case. Most of our investigations end in
the arrest of Charlie Sheen."

Pamela Anderson Lee told friends that she had her breast implants removed because she was sick of being known
as "a person with monstrous memories." Which means that that title now revert to its former owner Ted
Kennedy.