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The Second Week of October

TUE
Hirary Clinton is in the news. She's out of the country. She's currently on an international tour. It's going to take her to Poland, Slovakia, Italy,
and Iceland. When asked about it, president Clinton said "Hey, if there's one place she'll fit in, it's Iceland."

The New York transit authority announced it's accepting applications for subway operators. They said the applicant's "must have a high school
diploma, five years work experience, and speak no-no language. "

The other day, a Hallmark executive was arrested for receiving oral sex from a woman while on board a flight to London. The Hallmark executive
claims he was just in research for a new pop-up greeting card.

WED
Yesterday, vice president Al Gore made this big announcement, and he said that from now on he wants his campaign to be less scripted. When
asked what he meant by that, Gore said "I don't know. I just read what they give me."

Did you know that Donald Tramp is thinking running for president? Donald Tramp formed an exploratory committee for his presidential campaign,
and he said if elected his first act would be to "give the country spirit." Tramp said his second act as president will be finding a gold-digging
Tramp to be first lady.

According to a recent study, one or two beers a day cuts down on your chance of having a heart attack. The study also shows that having nine or
ten beers a day cuts down on your chance of having a relationship.

Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson have announced that they are going to get married again. Here's the kicker: During the ceremony they're both
going to be nude. At the end of the ceremony, apparently, the minister will say "You may kiss the bride, but first get your penis off my foot."

FRI 
Several breweries around the country announced today that they are considering changing from glass beer bottles to plastic; mainly due to
repeated request from Yankees stadium outfielders.

In a recent survey, 41% of women said that you can tell how big a man's penis is by looking at physical characteristics like his hand or his feet. The
other 59% said you can tell how small a man's penis is by looking at his sports car.



 
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