TUE
There is a new controversial advertisement out. I don't know if any of you saw this, but Bud Light has a new ad
campaign that says "Be yourself" and it shows two men holding hands. Unfortunately, those men could only "be
themselves" after drinking twenty Bud Lights.

There's a new book out that I am interested to get. True story. It's a book that gives explicit details about Abe
Lincoln's sex life. You can read about it. Apparently, president Clinton was antislavery but pro-bondage.

The Tony nomination came out yesterday, and everyone was shocked and surprised because Nicole Kidman
wasn't nominated. When asked to comment, Kidman said "My husband is not gay!"

The other day, John Bobbitt was arrested for stealing from a clothing store. Reportedly, Bobbitt told the judge
that he forgot to pay--he said "Hey, I'd forget my penis if it wasn't sawn off."

WED
President Clinton is in trouble again. In Washington court room yesterday, Kathleen Whilee--remember her, she
is sort of accusing president for a while--testified that in 1993, president Clinton touched her breasts, kissed
her on the mouth, and put his hands up her dress. When asked about it this morning, president Clinton said "I
have to admit that does sound like me."

In Detroit yesterday, Al Gore made a speech concerning the future of the American auto industry. Reportedly,
Gore made a one slip when he referred to car as "my fellow machines."

A group of protesters who are very unhappy with the rapid expansion of Starbucks have been repeatedly
smashing the windows of a Starbucks in Maine. Customers say it's been really inconvenient because several
times they had to use the Starbucks across the street.

THU
Apparently, there's a brand-new museum in Washington that's devoted to the history of drugs, and when you go
to this museum you can see bongs, rolling papers, and several bags of marijuana. Reportedly, museum is doing
well but the snack bar is doing even better.

After 60 years in broadcasting, Hugh Downs announced that he is leaving 20/20 and retiring from television.
Downs said "I'm too old to be on 20/20, and I'm too young to be on 60 Minutes."

In an recent sex survey, 40 percent of Americans said that, during love making, their partner's satisfaction is
their priority. The other 60 percent said "What partner?" Little autobiographical joke for you there...

FRI
Big weekend is upon us; Sunday, in case you didn't know, is Mother's Day. You're all gonna remember your
moms? I have a little Mother's Day fact, which is interesting. An recent survey, this is true, moms said that
their favorite thing to do on Mother's Day would be to spend a quite day at home with their families. Moms said
their second favorite thing to do would be to hang out backstage with Metalica. Or, is that just my mom? She has
a problem...

Monica Lewinsky is in town. She is in New York right now. She is probably in the audience tonight. It was in the
paper today, all over the New York press, after she showed up at a New York night club last night, a huge
barroom brawled and bottles were thrown. Afterwards Monica said "I wasn't scared. I feel right at home under a
table."

Dennis Rodman is in the news again. I love when he is in the news; it makes my job easier. Denise Rodman
settled out of court with a collage student who claims he was injured when Rodman budding him in the chest. The
student said "The chest budding wouldn't have been so bad, but Denise was wearing one of those pointy
Madonna bras.

A New York man is suing a owner of a dog because he claims the dog bit him in the crotch, and eliminated his sex
drive. In a related story, earlier today, the dog was purchased by Hirary Clinton.