WED
"True story in the world of television, Jerry Falwell apparently has written an article warning parents that the Teletubbies' Tinky Winky maybe gay because he is purple and carries a purse. True story , that's what Jerry Falwell said. A spokes person for the Teletubbies says Tinky Winky is not gay he is just emulating Denise Rodman. "

"According to a brand new study, people with really strong grips and firm handshakes tend to be healthier. Yeah, which means that George Michael should've lived one hundred. "

THU
"Sources in the senate say that they are pretty sure that by noon tomorrow, a final vote is gonna be held at the impeachment trial which means that by noon tomorrow it'll all be over. It also means that by one o'clock PM tomorrow president Clinton will be reclaiming his old table at hooters."

"It was reported today after losing the nighty two election Dan Quale called Richard Nixon for career advice. Reportedly Nixon told him 'you're calling me? Wow you ARE done!'"

"Mike Tyson was sentenced to prison today for beating up two people after being rear-ended in a car accident last summer. Yeah which ,if you think about it, it is ironic because now that he is in jail there's even greater chance he'll be rear-ended."

FRI
"President Clinton was acquitted of both charges today, and impeachment trial is finally over. Unfortunately there is bad news, I don't know if you know about this but Kenneth Starr is now accusing the president of having an affair with the purple Teletubbies."

"According to a new poll, 75% of Americans say that president Clinton's faults are no worse than most other presidents. After hearing this, president Bush said 'Hey, if that's the case someone owes me an intern!'"

"A statement to the press this afternoon, president Clinton issued a statement and he said 'I believe that anyone who asks for forgiveness should be prepared to give it.' Yeah, that's right president went on to say 'and I feel the same way about oral sex.'"