TUE
Melissa virus crippled computers all across the country, and they caught the guy. But it was reported today, I
love this new wrinkle in the case, the guy who created the Melissa virus named a virus after a stripper he met.
True story, yeah, which when you think about it, it is really bad news for the stripper because having a virus
named after, you really cut some of men for lap dances.

The producers of Star Trek say that it's gonna be at least three more years before they do another Star Trek
movie. No Star Trek movies for a while, so folks during the next three years Trekkies may have to face the final
frontier: the Human Interaction.

Bay Watch is moving production to Hawaii , and as the result, the show announced that its' new name is gonna
be Bay Watch Hawaii. That's the new name. True story! which is weird because today Hawaii announced that its
new name is Land Of The Humongous Breasts.

WED
This is fascinating. There is new computer on the market right now, they will calculate a woman's risk of getting
pregnant on any particular day. The device takes into account the woman's menstrual cycle, her diet, and
whether or not Mick Jagger is in town.

Anthony Hopkins is in the news. Anthony Hopkins is talking about doing a small cameo in the next Mission
Impossible movie. Yeah, it's pretty interesting, Hopkins plays a secret agent who's brought in to figure out the
plot of the first Mission Impossible movie.

I got the latest news on Calista Flockhart, which is another reason most people tuned in to my show. In a recent
interview, I guess a magazine interview that she gave, Calista Flockhart said that her best friend is her dog.
That's right, yeah, meanwhile her dog says Calista Flockhart is his favorite bone. .....Oh, that was Wrong.....

Yesterday, Carmen Electra, big surprise, filed for divorce from Dennis Rodman and it's been reported that she is
now dating rocker Tommy Lee. Electra said "I broke up with Dennis because he is 6'9" tall, and Tommy Lee is 6
foot tall, and 9 inches.

FRI
I don't know if you heard about this, it was on the papers today. Apparently, there is an uproaring Washington
right now because a beaver has been causing extensive damage to the city's historic trees. Did you know this? A
beaver is on the loose in that town. As a result, officials have beefed up security around Al Gore.

Speaking of the presidential candidate, next week Dan Quayle is going to formally announce he is running for
president during a speech at his hometown high school. Yeah, folks, I would mention the name of Quayle's high
school but that's not fair to the seniors there who are trying to get into their collage.

Tax time is coming up and I got to bring this up. According to a brand new tax survey, every year over 86% of
adults give some money to charitable organizations, which I think is very nice. Yeah, luckily for New York
residents, this year charitable deductions include any money spent on Knicks tickets.

Yesterday, police raided three New York businesses for illegally distributing Viagra. That's right, yeah, and
during the raid the police were repeatedly heard "I said put your HANDS up!"