TUE
 President Clinton said that this Christmas he is doing all of his shopping online. The president said that so far he's ordered a sweater for Hillary,
a book for Chelsea, and for him self he got Alyssa Milano.

A Canadian tourist is suing a Manhattan Starbucks claiming he was injured in the bathroom. When reached for comment, the manager of the
Starbucks said "That didn't happen in our Starbucks; he must have confused with the one next door or the two across the street.

Yesterday, Ted Turner spoke to teenage students at the national meeting of Four-H Club and he told them to use birth control. Then they told
him 'We don't need birth control, we're in the Four-H Club!"

In a recent interview, Michael Jackson said that he wants to have ten children. He also said he wants to be a father again.

WED
The White House---very upset about an article in the National Inquirer that said that the Clintons have decided to get a divorce. They were
upset because the article ruined the surprise of this year's White House Christmas card.

According to a new survey, almost half of the young people of the world plan to celebrate the new millennium by having sex. And of course, the
other half are girls.

THU
Yesterday at a Christmas party in Washington, Hillary Clinton posed with Santa Claus. Afterwards Santa was quoted saying "Man! I thought North
Pole was cold."

On Wednesday, actress Alyssa Milano filed for divorce from her husband after only 11 months of marriage. Now, if he wants to Alyssa Milano naked
he'll have to go online like rest of us.

This week they tested the 60 foot millennium ball that's going to be dropped New Year's eve in Times Square. Apparently, during the test
officials took into account that the ball will probably shrink due to cold weather.