THU
Yesterday, vice president Al Gore's staff threw him a surprise birthday party. Isn't that nice. Yeah, apparently
he was so moved, he almost moved.

Major League Baseball is thinking about allowing teams to sell advertising on player's uniforms. Here's how it's
gonna work. Apparently, it's ten thousand dollars for a player's sleeve and twenty thousand dollars if it's some
place that's frequently scratched. "My god, that man is scratching his... Wendy's. I'm hungry!"

Scientists say that the other day, this is a big announcement, Dolly the crone sheep gave birth to triplets that
were conceived the old fashioned way. That's right. And of course, by conceived the old fashioned way, they
mean president Clinton. That's right, the president and a sheep.

FRI
The producers of Live with Regis and Kathie Lee announced that they are holding a mother's day contest to find
the best mom in the country. The winner will appear on the show where she'll be beaten by jealous raged Kathie
Lee.

A group called American Atheist Incorporated, it's a real group, announced that they are relocating their national
headquarter to New Jersey. A spokesman for the atheist said the best way to prove that god doesn't exist is to
have people visit Newark.

Luchiano Pavarotti is performing in Las Vegas next week and he admitted he always loses thousands of dollars at
the gambling tables. Luckily folks he makes it all back at the all-you-can-eat buffet.