President Bush gave a speech today, and he said he respects Jim Jefford's decision to switch parties. Bush said, "It's no big deal. In college I'd switch parties every time the keg ran out".

Yesterday, President Bush met with Tibet's exile spiritual leader the Dalai Lama. The meeting went well even though George W. kept calling Dalai Lama 'Jackie Chan'.

A man in Canada has unveiled what he says is an authentic painting of William Shakespeare. However, experts think the painting is fake because it shows Shakespeare making out with Gwyneth Paltrow.

Federal government is considering a proposal that would update the warning labels on beer and other alcohol beverages. For instance, one of the new warnings says, "Caution: Excessive drinking could cause Kareoke".

OJ Simpson's lawyer announced that Simpson is being sued by a man that OJ ran a stoplight, cursed at him and then broke his glasses. And Simpson claims it could've been him because at the time he was at a restaurant retrieving Robert Blake's gun.

The NFL players association has agreed to a brand-new contract that would run through the year 2007. Meanwhile, the XFL players association has agreed to work the late shift at 7-Eleven.

A woman in Minneapolis has invented a brand-new product called "bodyperks" It's a pair of silicon nipple enhancers that make women's' nipples continually look erect. Not surprisingly, the woman who invented the bodyperks being sued by the man who invented air-conditioning.

Ricky Martin is telling people that during his next concert he intends to wear a leopard-printed thong. Apparently, it's part of his plan to finally stop all those rumors that he is gay.

For the second time in a week, President Bush made an appearance in one of our national parks and he announced a new environment program. It should be a really effective program: President Bush is gonna recycle all his daughters' beer bottles.

Vanity Fair magazine reports that former President Clinton and Al Gore haven't spoken to each other since George W. Bush's inauguration. Not only that, Bill and his wife Hillary haven't spoken since Richard Nixon's inauguration.

Tom Cruise's attorney said that he is going to sue anyone who claims his client is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion.

Hugh Hefner has convinced his 7 girlfriends to get tattoos that read "H.H". Apparently, the "H.H" stands for "Has Harpies".