Britney Spears says that the songs on her upcoming album are gonna show everybody that she's "not a little girl anymore". After hearing this, her boyfriend Justin Timberlake said, "Great. Now if only I had to get her to show me she's not a little girl anymore".

It was reported today that a 124-year-old woman recently passed away in Florida. Not surprisingly in her neighborhood in Florida, she was known as "the kid".

According to a new poll, Mike Piazza has been chosen the sexiest player in the Major League Baseball. Personally I think it's gone to his head because earlier tonight Mike Piazza played the entire All Star Game wearing only a thong and nipple cramps.

In a new interview, actress Nicole Kidman said that she feels much stronger now that her marriage is over and she hopes that the right man is still out there waiting. The odd thing is Tom Cruise said the exact same thing.

The other day in Papua New Guinea, 2 fishermen had their penises bitten off by piranhas. The fishermen claimed the piranha was this big.


President Bush and several world leaders are heading to a conference in Italy, and as a precaution Italian police have rounded up several anarchists. After hearing about it President Bush told the police, "Good work! Now you should send these anarchists back home to Antarctica."

It was reported today that about a week ago Hillary Clinton officiated at a wedding of one of her long-time political aids. There was an awkward moment though: right at the point where they ask if anybody has reason to object Hillary got out of her wedding album.

Charlie Sheen has just put his Malibu mansion on the market for 4.5 million dollars. Sheen's mansion comes with 6 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, and Emilio Estevez.

The other day at an Australian track meet, a 101 year-old man ran a mile and set a world record for people over 100 years old. There is some controversy concerning the record though because when the man began the race he was only 98.

In New York City, they've announced a plan to widen the sidewalks in Times Square. Under the new plan, the sidewalks will go from 6 hookers wide to 8 hookers wide.

In an interview yesterday, former president Jimmy Carter was extremely critical of President Bush. Carter's exact quote was "This guy is the worst president since me".

The rumor that tennis player Anna Kournikova has gotten married is apparently not true. A PR person for Kournikova said that she is still not married and has still not won a tennis tournament.

Jamain Jackson announced that he won't be showing up for the upcoming Jackson 5 reunion because he thinks his brother Michael is charging too much for tickets. After hearing about it, Michael Jackson said that to keep peace in the family he would buy Jamain a ticket.

New York Post claims that Senator Hillary Clinton has voted against more of President Bush's nominees than any other Senators. When asked why Hillary said, "It's hard to get out of the habit of fighting with the President".

Yesterday, a federal court ruled that postal workers are not allowed to wear their postal uniforms during gay pride parades. The court based its ruling on the fact that there was no mailman in the Village People.

Yesterday, Jimmy Carter said that he has been "disappointed almost everything President Bush has done as president". After hearing this, President Bush said, "Who the hell is Jimmy Carter?"

Yesterday in Washington, former president Clinton dropped by his wife Hillary's office for the first time. When asked about it President Clinton said, "I wanted to walk in on her unexpectedly and see how she likes it".

The other day in Toronto, a teenager was taking her driving test and she crashed into 6 cars while trying to parallel-park. Apparently, she won't be able to drive in Canada, but on the bright side she was issued a New York taxi license.

Justin Timberlake announced that he wants to sing a duet with his girlfriend Britney Spears. When asked about it Timberlake said, "Actually, singing with Britney was my second choice".

In Italy, Luchiano Pavarotti went to court this week to stand trial on charges of tax fraud. Apparently, when the judge said order in the court Pavarotti said, "I'll take 2 large pizzas".

The other day, a man in Italy divorced his wife just 12 hours after they got married because he found out she wasn't a virgin. Actually, the guy did miss a pretty obvious sign: the best man was her pimp.