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APRIL

Yesterday, China demanded an apology from the United States for the collision between two countries' airplanes. In response President Bush said, "Why should we? They never apologized for Pearl Harbor".

The big rumor right now is that NBC is going to cancel the XFL as soon as the season is over. You laugh and stuff but this news comes as a blow to XFL fans, both of whom are very upset.

The New York Time has announced that for the first time in its history it will begin carry personal ads. Apparently, the first personal ad that will appear is placed by a single white ex-president.

LifeStyles Condoms did a survey to find out the average length of a penis, and their researchers had to measure more than 300 erect penises. Apparently, it was the biggest collection of penises since Siegfried & Roy's bachelor party.

Yesterday, China, once again, demanded an apology from the United States over the spy plane incident. In response President Bush said, "Sorry, but the word 'apology', like most words, is not in my vocabulary".

This week the Dallas Mavericks made basketball history by signing the first player born in China, and apparently the guy is 7'1''. Unfortunately he was quickly kicked out of the league because they found out he was actually one Chinese guy standing on another Chinese guy.

They're making a new Planet of the Apes movie. And reportedly, they had to edit out a sex scene between a man and a chimp. However, the scene will appear on the upcoming film: The Michael Jackson Story.

A couple in Corpus Christi, Texas had named their son "ESPN" after the sports channel. Apparently, the parents said the boy is ok with his name, but he's very jealous of his baby brother "ESPN2".

An Australian rugby player was recently suspended because he used his finger to poke several of his opponents' in the anus. Apparently, rugby official said this kind of behavior is only acceptable in male figure skating.

Florida Governor Jeb Bush asked President Bush to stop the sale of oil off the coast of Florida, but the president turned his brother down. In a related story, Jeb Bush just announced that Al Gore won the State of Florida.

It was reported today that Ricky Martin will star in a musical version of Zorro. In this version Zorro will keep his identity and his sexual orientation a secret.

Yesterday, for the first time in his administration, President George W. Bush appointed an openly gay man. The president was quoted as saying, "I respect the man for not hiding his 'gayosity'".

According to Wall Street Journal, due to oversaturation 8 GAP stores will be forced to close in Manhattan. At first it seemed like good news but it turns out that they are turning all 8 GAP stores into StarBucks.

Last night, a maitre d' at an exclusive restaurant in New York received a 16,000 dollar tip from a Wall Street customer. Unfortunately, this morning the tip was only valued at 4,000 dollars.

This week in Brazil, a soccer player got in a lot of trouble because during a game he celebrated scoring a goal by taking off all of his cloths. Official said it's bad enough that the player was nude but then he violated soccer rules by using his hands.




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